[ random emotional outburst ]

I’m getting tired of myself.

Before I go on, I should explain something. I have absolutely no patience for insufferable artist folk who go on and on and on about how terrible their life is, and how it’s all a big fucking tragedy. Because it isn’t, see. So, take this post in that context: I’m engaging in behavior that I find abhorrent.

So, here’s the deal: I’m paid to think. It’s pretty much my whole gig. That, and talking. The way it works, generally, is that someone with their hands on the wheel of whatever project I’m on points me at some problem, and goes, “Explain!” I go trundling off, dissect the poor creature with my talons and mandibles, and bring back a rather detailed explanation of what made it tick prior to my arrival. Often it is no longer “ticking” per se by the time I am done with it, but those are the risks you take.

My masters then go “Hmm. Okay. Then we should do is…” and kinda wander off talking amongst themselves, holding the information I brought back between them like a medical specimen, or a rare artiface. Sometimes I engage in the conversation about what we are going to do about what I found, and sometimes I don’t.

I like this gig. I like it a lot. And, I’m pretty good at it, if the reports on my progress and my continued deployment against expensive problems are any indication of the quality of my work. Figure they are.

So then why is it, do you suppose, that over and over I find myself in a room full of people who don’t want to hear what I have to say? And here is where the random emotional outburst actually begins: it’s so frustrating to be hired for a given strength (say, one’s analytical abilities), and then to be constantly ignored when attempting to apply that strength to problems other than the specific problems that one’s masters are aware of. This situation is bizarre to the extent that my outspoken nature and foresight are often the very reason I have been brought in. To be ignored in such a case is surreal at best.

And yet, it happens again, and again, and again… and again… and again… until I have to step back and say, “What in the fuck am I doing wrong that is creating this situation?” Because clearly I can’t have simply ended up in the same situation in every professional role I’ve had to date by coincidence.

I think the answer lies in what I am willing to settle for. For, of course, what you will settle for is what the world will give you. So, then, it follows that the solution to this dilemma is to change what I am willing to settle for.

This will be difficult.

But, as a wise man once said, “What the fuck else have you got to do?”