Okay, so here’s the thing, okay? Listen, it was just…

So, see, what happened was that my buddy calls me Saturday night, and he’s all, “Hey, man, I was just thinking about going and helping out the poor and the defenseless in Westfall.” And I’m all, “Hey, wow, this might just be perfect timing, man!” ‘Cause, see, we’ve totally been trying to hook up (in Azeroth) for months now, but I’ve been busy, and…


So then, we’re playing, right, and he’s like, “Hey, let’s play with my buddy!” Only he’s level 10, and I’m level 24, so I switched characters.

That was the big mistake, I think.

Have I mentioned that World of Warcraft is a really fun game? Have I? I don’t know that I’ve managed to get it fully across. Of course, those of you who understand are already consumed by the muse, so I don’t need to convince you. And those of you who don’t understand… well, you probably don’t want to. Which I respect. And admire.

Sunday, yeah. Sunday was a total blur. I spent 12 hours straight leveling my stupid hunter from 13 to 18. I have a pet spider, I learned all kinds of skillsgoddamn it.

I thought I had escaped from this stupid game.

See, at this point, I have very little preventing me from indulging my every obsession. You see the portrait at the right there? That’s my hunter character (Tyridane, if you must know). Notice that miss ‘Dane is decked out in a full set of inscribed leather armor.

Is inscribed leather armor more powerful in a set? No. Is it particularly collectible? No. Is it even all that interesting to look at? No.

No, the sad truth is that since I have a level 60 paladin (Allora; yes, all my characters are female) who is saving up for her epic mount, I am, as the wise men say, awash in cash. Couple that with the idea that low-level gear is very inexpensive (at the auction house), and you get… yeah. I bought my 18th level night elf avatar a full set of matching gear, just so that she’d look bad-ass. It didn’t even really hurt at the time.

It’s only looking back on the weekend that I shudder in fear.

See, I had escaped. My kids found the game several months ago, and had so completely filled their free time with World of Warcraft-ification that I was able to just go, “Well, I should just let them play, and I’ll play later.” This is how the addict escapes the clutches of the beast, you see. By convincing himself he’s not actually quitting; he’s just letting someone else have the glory (for now).

Yeah. Send help.