All goddamn weekend, what did I do. What. I ask you.

I mean, did I clean the house? No. Did I save the known universe from a Farkithxyian attack? No. Did I, say, leave the house?

No. In fact, here is what my weekend contained:

  1. World of Warcraft
  2. Sleep


  1. World of Warcraft
  2. 2 Warhammer Fantasy games
  3. World of Warcraft
  4. Sleep


  1. Take child to airport, wave goodbye nervously
  2. World of Warcraft
  3. Sleep
  4. World of Warcraft (new character! Warlock! woohoo!)
  5. Put flock (fake grass) on my wargaming trees (yaay! trees are done!)
  6. World of Warcraft
  7. Sleep

Notice anything? It’s subtle, so I’ll give you a second to go back and look again.

There, you see it?

Goddamn game is destroying my ability to think. And the really sick part is that this is the seventh time it’s done this to me. SAME GAME. Same game. Same!

I have actually entered the end game now, and, contrary to the experience I was expecting, there is in fact more content in this game for the level 60 folks than there is for the other kin. It’s strange, realizing that for the past several months you’ve been playing the little game. The baby game, the one they have for the wittle kids who just want to goof around. But when you get all growed up there’s this whole other thing waiting for you.

It’s called “Dungeons”.

In the past two levels of play, I have come across and been pointed to no less than four completely new dungeons (huge, monstrous things) that you have absolutely no business presenting yourself to if you are less than58th level. I am aware of at least two more out there that I haven’t been pointed to yet, and both of these are what I understand to be the hardest dungeons in the game.

Now, for those of you who, perhaps, have been wise enough to not dump your entire life into the exploration of virtual crawly monster holes, let me give you some idea of the scope of the experience we are talking about here.

The very first dungeon one is introduced to (in Alliance lands, anyway) is the Deadmines. In the deadmines, you must:

  1. Fight your way through a sprawling mine, battling at least twenty miners, overseers, and wizards, on your way to the entrance to the dungeon.
  2. Once inside, you have another large mine section to pass through, containing a plethora of miners(say, 30) , but the problems here are the elite fire wizards. Fight them. Many of them.
  3. You come to a large door, guarded by a VERY fat Ogre. He is a badass. He kills everyone who fights him the first time, as they are completely unprepared for the challenge level.
  4. Okay, he’s dead. Open the door. You’ve got another (shorter) section of mine to fight through.
  5. Be advised that a patrol has spawned behind you, and is about to come waltzing up on your rear quarters.
  6. Next: door that opens into a square room; Sneed is here, with his goblin miners, piloting his giant mining robot. Defeat it. Open the door.
  7. Another (short) mine section. Kill fifteen hapless miners.
  8. Door opens into the Forge. This is a long, circular ramp that winds down to the bottom of this cylindrical chamber. Here, you must fight goblin inventors, who summon little helper robots, who are not, in fact, very little. Don’t die.
  9. At the bottom, fight Gilnid, the head goblin. Other than having a large head, he’s not that interesting.
  10. Open the door, another small mine section. More innocent miners meet their demise.
  11. Get the keg o’ gunpowder, us it to BLOW OPEN THE DOOR! BOOM! What I want to know is, who put that cannon in front of that door, who aimed it at the (closed, locked, and sealed) door, and who left the keg o’ gunpowder lying around. That’s what I want to know.
  12. Okay, big… check that, huge chamber. This chamber contains a pirate Battleship. I know how that sounds, but trust me. Planked docks wind over an underground lake, taking you to the three-story high pirate ship with no sails and very large guns. It’s a battleship, and it’s underground.
  13. Fight more pirates than you can really handle. There’s a lot of them. By a lot I mean like 50.
  14. Get to the top. Kill Mr. Smite, the second in command. He’ll probably kill you the first time you get up here, because he’s a badass.
  15. Okay, you’re at the top of the ship. Step forward, and Edwin Van Cleef comes out, bringing his elite bodyguard with him. Fight, fight and try not to die.
  16. Got him? Good; hop down the other side of the boat, kill the ship’s cook (a Murloc, ewwwwww), pick off one or ten more pirates along the way, find the back tunnel, sprint out, and you’re free!


I went through this excercise to make a point, and here it is: this Deadmines that I speak of is actually one of the smallest dungeons in the game. Remember way up there when I was talking about extra content for the high-level crowd?

Six more. That I know of. And, I can’t realistically set foot inside these places for another three levels.

The scale of this game boggles me. Game designers, take note: Blizzard has done it right, and it was a lot of fucking work.