My… Birthday… Present… Precious…

I often come to you with descriptions of the kind of rampant interactivity-centered madness that my life revolves around. I have been forthcoming, I think, about how utterly consumed I can become with tiny avatars of humanity… pawns, perhaps (or, maybe ambassadors is a better descriptor) that I maneuver around a wide variety of imaginary, conflict-laden grounds. It’s my thing, I think. It may not be “news” to any of you that I have a lot of these little guys, both virtual and physical.

I play with dolls.

Fast-forward to Now… into this atmosphere of collective avatarism arrives an innocent looking white cardboard box.

This box is rumored to bear a collection of metal and plastic Ork reinforcements to supplement my Orkie hordes. I have a friend, who you all know on this site as “The Todd”. The Todd played and collected Orkies waaaaaaaaay back in gaming prehistory, and decided this year that it would be really funny to bury me under his collection, and see how long it took me to dig my way out.

But… see… there are already a great number of Orkies at my house.

So, it behooves us on this occasion to take a step back and assess what it is we are actually talking about here. Hand me that wide angle lens.

I command three Warhammer armies. 2 for Warhammer 40,000 (or, “WH40K” as it is affectionately abbreviated), and 1 for regl’ar ol’ Warhammer (or, “Warhammer Fantasy” as it is affectionately extended). Each of these “armies” number in the general area of 5000 points.

I know, that means nothing to you. Let me put it to you this way.

The bulk of my Space Marines are something like eight squads of these guys (yes, that’s eighty figures). I have Four squads of these (20 figures total). Three of these things. Like, twelve of these guys. One of these, him, a couple of these, two or three of these, and a couple of special banner dudes. Aaaaaaand, then I have like twenty five of these guys, with another ten of this kind of those guys, a couple of random ones of these, and like ten of these. They drive around in two of these, and I’ve got two squads of these guys (which really will fuck your shit up, I can tell you), and I just got this guy (finally). Oh, and like two squads of these guys. Soooo, that’s like 200 figures.

Aaaaaand so my Tyranid forces are controlled by two of these, who are guarded by three of these guys. I have three of these, and three of them… who spit out lots and lots of these (so I have like twenty of them). I can deploy four of these guys, much to the chagrin of my enemies. I have sixteen of these, which is just not enough to be useful, as I can attest from lots and lots of experience watching them die. I need 16 more. Nine of these, ten of these (getting those was a bitch, I can tell you), and three of these that I have recently brought back from the “all of my arms have fallen off” graveyard. There are a bunch (like, twenty) of these lying around, but they don’t get any action because they suck. Aaaaaaaaaand then of course I have something like eighty of these… (thirty-two of the pointy-clawed ones, and the rest are the guys with guns). And I have him, and he leads… a whole bunch of these. Five squads of twelve, what is that? Sixty. So, okay, that’s like 250 models.


My Orc Hordz are lead by these three maniacs. Somehow, I manage to accumulate around eighty of these guys, um… uh… Okay, it’s one hundred and forty of these. I can admit it. They are supported by sixteen of these, twenty-odd of these, and around forty of these. I recenltly acquired twenty of these. I have two of these, one of these, and two of these. I have like four of these fine fellows, and six of these (and as my opponents can tell you, they are the bloody beating nefarious heart of my army). I command twelve of these guys, and a nice big unit of these delightful things. Six of these. And, everyone needs one of these in their army. Um, oh dear lord that’s almost four hundred models.

Like I said. Around 5000 points per army.

It’s okay. I can quit any time.

Do you begin to see the absurdity level here? You remember the white box of yore? The box that contains another player’s nearly complete Orc army??

So, I open it.

Keep in mind that I’m only showing you the new figures in these pictures. Everything I already told you about is behind me, in shelves, neatly tucked away.

I may never recover.